THE SIZE OF YOUR ANGSTCOCK MATTERS:

[thene]

Only one of many ways in which Fly and me are terrible. Rydia always wins.

Fireholly99 12:10 pm
I like how in the first Dissidia, they all make fun of Firion's LACK of horrible angst

athene1miranda 12:10 pm
seriously? lol

Fireholly99 12:10 pm
Yeah

athene1miranda 12:10 pm
this is why no one cares about FFII; not enough angst, only one pirate
the only angst source is whatsherface's brother

Fireholly99 12:10 pm
Firion's story sytarts with him chilling with Cloud and Squall and Cecil I think
And Cecil is all 'My best friend is an asshole and my brother is evil'
And Cloud is all 'I have no concept of my own identity and ruined everyone's life because of it'

Fireholly99 12:12 pm
And Squall is like 'I am a teenager and I hate people'
And Tidus is like 'my dad is a monster and I don't exist? What's your problem, firion?'

Fireholly99 12:13 pm
And firion goes "....."

athene1miranda 12:13 pm
hahaahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
this is how FF characters compare cock sizes
the bigger your angst gland is, the more fangirl groupies you get

athene1miranda 12:20 pm
......i love how XIII subverts that though because Snow is TRYING to be the angsty-but-brave heroboy and NO ONE ELSE WILL TOLERATE HIS ATTENTION-WHOREDOM. meanwhile Hope is trying to be a different kind of angsty-but-brave heroboy and is thereby becoming obviously stupid and dangerous. they are my two least favourite characters and that is exactly what the game wants them to be. they also hate each other unusually much even by the standards of FFXIII characters.

Fireholly99 12:55 pm
I LOVED the scene, it was like in a PARODY FANFIC but entirely srs

athene1miranda 12:56 pm
:-D

Fireholly99 1:06 pm
So who do you think is the FF character with the most to complain about?
Who has the biggest 'dick'?

athene1miranda 1:06 pm
is it bad that the first answer that leapt to mind was 'Rydia'

athene1miranda 1:09 pm
the entire rest of her culture was eradicated when she was a child, she has to make friends with the person who did it, and then she gets drowned and spends a temporally-slipped decade totally isolated from the entire rest of the human race

Fireholly99 1:11 pm
That is pretty much astronomical badness
I'm struggling to come up with a decent contender

Comments

[crankyoldman]

I'M A TEENAGER AND I HATE PEOPLE. The reason FFVIII was hard to get through for me.

Rydia does have the biggest angst-cock. Terra would hit that if she had the whole temporal BS going on (Slave Crown shenanigans were pretty effing creepy). But this is why they are kind of one of my favorite crossover ships.

And I love knowing people that think Kain is an asshole too.

[thene]

Basch is another condender; Nalbina was pretty effing creepy AND he has to put up with an evil twin plotline.

I love Kain because he's an asshole, I just want Cecil to punish him lovingly idk

[crankyoldman]

I mostly just wanted him to die, sorry. XD HE'S SUCH a CREEPER. Poor Rosa, stuck in the middle of that.

[thene]

ngl I think Rosa isn't nearly as fleshed-out as the rest of that cast so I just saw her as a paper-thin wall between Cecil and Kain. I never did figure out a non-Kain/Cecil reason why everyone kept forgiving Kain's chronic backstabbing disorder. Ohh Kain, and you were supposed to be the good one..

[crankyoldman]

I started with the DS version, and she's got some decent fleshing out there. And well, I really empathized with her. I think she's got sort of a raw deal in both the plot and in fandom, so. Yeah. I'm that guy in FFIV fandom.

So I usually just let Kain be his psychomurder self in fic and continue on with my life. XD

[thene]

Right - I've only played the UK PS1 release, where she doesn't do much except faint occasionally and stand around in no clothes. :( As Fly likes to put it, if they didn't want us to write slash then why would they keep on making movies/games that are mostly about men having intense relationships involving lots of staring at each other?

Will read, thanks! <3

[firefly99]

We had a long conversation later about the difference between Classy Manpain and Kain's manpain. We concluded that his not attending his best friends' wedding was him being an attention whore and trying to make someone else's happiness all about his own personal problems, and I think we can all agree that's a dick move - fortunately, the game wants us to think it's a dick move, but when fans don't get that it is a dick move and talk about HOW MUCH PAIN KAIN WAS IN, they're probably horrible people.

We compared this to Cloud's manpain in FF7 where he ruined everything because of his own issues about being bullied, but 1) the game outright tells us that Cloud's issues aren't as important as what he ended up doing because of it and he needs to get over it and 2) as soon as Cloud comes to his senses he is genuinely sorry about it all, does his best to fix everything, and asks everyone to help him out of faith in them (even ordering them to spend the night away from him to think about whether they really want to be on his side).

Hence Cloud's manpain makes him a more likeable character and in Kain's case it's a glaring flaw and THAT'S OKAY, as long as people don't justify that with Nice Guy philosophy. Sometimes, people are just dicks but you have to put up with them anyway. It's part of the spectrum of humanity and at least deserves to be in a game about moon people and men in dragon helmets jumping really high.

[thene]

re. creepy slave crown shenanigans, this is a wonderful fic.

[crankyoldman]

And eee, I love Wally and hadn't realized she'd written something like that! This is what I need today.

[seventhe]

...THIS IS AMAZING

[lassarina]

oh hi I have to flail enthusiastically at your analysis of Snow and Hope because YES. um.

but yeah, Rydia definitely gets the most screwed by the plot, angstcock-wise.

[thene]

M has nominated Vivi and Barrett as angst contenders....Rydia still wins imo. It's kinda interesting that the FF angst that the fic fandoms glom onto tends not to be these most extreme cases of angst.

I can't stand Snow or Hope and that's why the part where you play as the two of them is so good. Like one of those sporting events where you don't know who you most want to lose. :D

[lassarina]

I like Snow the same way I like big doofy dumb Labrador puppies. It's sort of adorable to watch him run around wagging his tail excitedly but oh Lord do I not want to have to deal with him and so he can keep his doofness over there.