that moment when:

-you are putting actualfax effort into fixing IRL and might even be getting somewhere but pessimism tells you that you will continue to achieve nothing and therefore it so isn't worth it and none of the steps you have taken will make your day anything but wasted.
-parallel to the above, you do the Bigfic Blurgl. oh my god what is this how did there get to be so many words and what if they all collapse in a heap of awful instead of ever turning into a finished story :(
-you are rereading all the Guan Yu/Cao Cao scenes in RO3K because you need to get your head into that kind of dynamic, and then you realise that if what you need is a negotiated, outwardly polite kismesis dramaship with dubcon undertones then the ultimate pairing of all time just has to be Buttercup/Humperdink.
-you are too anxious about writing to write but are doing it anyway.
-you are too anxious about not writing because irl effort may be worthless. This makes no sense esp as I was having tons of fannish glee in other ways yesterday, and it would be absurd to think of one kind of fannish glee generation as especially superior to another because ffs it's all just having fun on the internet anyway.

On the other hand, this post is amazing: http://zarla.dreamwidth.org/479775.html