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against doors
I have had a lovely week and have been being the worst friend, esp today; tired brain crawling back into its little dark hole, so very not verbal; while everyone else was organising things and lugging stuff around I managed to make dinner for all and clean the kitchen and that was it. I need to get on with my life, I don't want to leave here, I am leaving here, I hate my beautiful stupid blessed wonderful life. I spent two nights in Leeds with Jess'ca and her wahf, cuddles always, didn't have enough words left. Ghibli's Porco Rosso, fly, chopsticks, elephant?
I split an aubergine plate at Kada's (best aubergines ALWAYS, if only i even kind of knew how) with Caroline right before she headed off to Dale Farm; for a supposedly civilised country it is amazing how gung-ho the UK is about violent ethnic cleansing; i words in-->words out and Caroline fights and dances, peacefully. I saw Bev, too, who is opening a vegetarian cafe in a few months.
Jay came back to town for the weekend and brought all of the cake; we went to Camden yesterday and I convinced my head to be okay with replenishing my wardrobe because I've got to that point where almost all of the things that are still holding together are black. It's all too safe, and so I very bravely branched out into dark grey, and M helped prod me from there towards wild floofy blueness and purpleness and suchlike. I used to be such a sucker for monochrome safety, and it's funny because while they were clearing things up today Jay found a small paper bag that contained the bracelet Nakki made me for my 18th birthday. It's mostly blue and has a large ankh on it and it changed everything just by sitting over the back of my hand like it wanted to be noticed; opened me.
One of the strands is broken now and the clasp doesn't quite work, so next time I live somewhere I'm going to add it to the thing on my door; the amalgam of a couple of shambles; the story goes, it has to contain living matter to work.
why do I have to choose who I get to hug :(
I split an aubergine plate at Kada's (best aubergines ALWAYS, if only i even kind of knew how) with Caroline right before she headed off to Dale Farm; for a supposedly civilised country it is amazing how gung-ho the UK is about violent ethnic cleansing; i words in-->words out and Caroline fights and dances, peacefully. I saw Bev, too, who is opening a vegetarian cafe in a few months.
Jay came back to town for the weekend and brought all of the cake; we went to Camden yesterday and I convinced my head to be okay with replenishing my wardrobe because I've got to that point where almost all of the things that are still holding together are black. It's all too safe, and so I very bravely branched out into dark grey, and M helped prod me from there towards wild floofy blueness and purpleness and suchlike. I used to be such a sucker for monochrome safety, and it's funny because while they were clearing things up today Jay found a small paper bag that contained the bracelet Nakki made me for my 18th birthday. It's mostly blue and has a large ankh on it and it changed everything just by sitting over the back of my hand like it wanted to be noticed; opened me.
One of the strands is broken now and the clasp doesn't quite work, so next time I live somewhere I'm going to add it to the thing on my door; the amalgam of a couple of shambles; the story goes, it has to contain living matter to work.
why do I have to choose who I get to hug :(
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