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assembled thoughts:
-seeing my father in the wedding photos that we were showing Kathie. She said he looked happy; I think he was; we all were.
-today and tomorrow were always the vaguest of my days here. I had wants - time in town; finding a new handbag because the one Dani K gave to me a year and a half ago is finally falling to bits; we'd talked about the Book Of The Dead exhibit at the BM or finally going to the Tower; we'd intended to visit the foxes Kathie feeds and I totally forgot until she mentioned it again tonight. It'd be weird to have come all the sodding way over here and not go to town, but mustering the effort to go to town will be weird.
-I'll end up going through Oxford Circus for no reason other than that I can.
-the reason things are going to be okay is these people. Okay, so comparing this to my mother's death is kinda silly because my mother was the centre of my universe and my father was just someone who used to yell at me all the time until I learned to avoid him, but; back then it was just me, Z and H, and last night I had three wonderful people right there, another who came over as soon as I called, two people I emailed right away because I know I can rely on them to support me, another few close friends who got back to me following a filtered LJ post, two wonderful people I only met this weekend who had lunch with us today, and people wonder why I hated being a child in East Lancs. (I hated childhood, period; being older is so much more loving and liberating).
-obviously we've been talking about money stuff, paying stuff off, the house up in Lancs, etc, and it's something he brought up a few years ago himself too; I am still kinda pissed off about the fact that he made us live in a wreck and wear clothes & shoes until they fell to bits, and never had any money that wasn't scrounged a penny at a time, and now we are talking about my father having had kinda pretty large amounts of wealth stashed away.
(-if there's any left for me after clearing up the mess, I should give it all to a homeless charity. Okay so I won't, but.)
-today and tomorrow were always the vaguest of my days here. I had wants - time in town; finding a new handbag because the one Dani K gave to me a year and a half ago is finally falling to bits; we'd talked about the Book Of The Dead exhibit at the BM or finally going to the Tower; we'd intended to visit the foxes Kathie feeds and I totally forgot until she mentioned it again tonight. It'd be weird to have come all the sodding way over here and not go to town, but mustering the effort to go to town will be weird.
-I'll end up going through Oxford Circus for no reason other than that I can.
-the reason things are going to be okay is these people. Okay, so comparing this to my mother's death is kinda silly because my mother was the centre of my universe and my father was just someone who used to yell at me all the time until I learned to avoid him, but; back then it was just me, Z and H, and last night I had three wonderful people right there, another who came over as soon as I called, two people I emailed right away because I know I can rely on them to support me, another few close friends who got back to me following a filtered LJ post, two wonderful people I only met this weekend who had lunch with us today, and people wonder why I hated being a child in East Lancs. (I hated childhood, period; being older is so much more loving and liberating).
-obviously we've been talking about money stuff, paying stuff off, the house up in Lancs, etc, and it's something he brought up a few years ago himself too; I am still kinda pissed off about the fact that he made us live in a wreck and wear clothes & shoes until they fell to bits, and never had any money that wasn't scrounged a penny at a time, and now we are talking about my father having had kinda pretty large amounts of wealth stashed away.
(-if there's any left for me after clearing up the mess, I should give it all to a homeless charity. Okay so I won't, but.)