![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
things that suck:
-since the sick started, I've been having a very hard time wanting or liking either food or music. No visceral enjoyment of life for me.
-I don't even know if I have time to get better; I have no idea when I'll next have a day off, and while I did nothing except for three-hour evening classes for three days last week, I haven't had a complete day off since idk a week ago Wednesday. Tomorrow either we get snowed in or I have to put godawful amounts of effort into everything, and I'm honestly hoping for option b because:
-jumping through hoops does not in itself get me paid; I am worried that my next pay cycle will be a very meagre one. Being able to get to work tomorrow would help.
-I really can't feel feelings right now, and haven't done so at all in over a week. This feels related to eerily quiet head. Didn't occur to me to mention it before now because I regularly have difficulty feeling feelings (yeah idk why I tried to convince myself I could learn to write either, I am so not cut out for it on so many levels, there are reasons why I would be better off learning to be a bookkeeper or accounting clerk)
-I can write this week, maybe 400 or so words on a good day, but - see above item, I can't feel it, and I am quite sure my porn dialogue fails at being IC for reasons beyond the fact that it's fucking porn dialogue.
-it is generally hard to get out of bed and right now is just when I need to be getting out of bed. It'd be good if I could convince myself to just screw days off between now and my birthday, because I need the goddamn money while I can get it.
-I don't even know if I have time to get better; I have no idea when I'll next have a day off, and while I did nothing except for three-hour evening classes for three days last week, I haven't had a complete day off since idk a week ago Wednesday. Tomorrow either we get snowed in or I have to put godawful amounts of effort into everything, and I'm honestly hoping for option b because:
-jumping through hoops does not in itself get me paid; I am worried that my next pay cycle will be a very meagre one. Being able to get to work tomorrow would help.
-I really can't feel feelings right now, and haven't done so at all in over a week. This feels related to eerily quiet head. Didn't occur to me to mention it before now because I regularly have difficulty feeling feelings (yeah idk why I tried to convince myself I could learn to write either, I am so not cut out for it on so many levels, there are reasons why I would be better off learning to be a bookkeeper or accounting clerk)
-I can write this week, maybe 400 or so words on a good day, but - see above item, I can't feel it, and I am quite sure my porn dialogue fails at being IC for reasons beyond the fact that it's fucking porn dialogue.
-it is generally hard to get out of bed and right now is just when I need to be getting out of bed. It'd be good if I could convince myself to just screw days off between now and my birthday, because I need the goddamn money while I can get it.