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'I got here from a rec in 4chan.' <---second most alarming fic comment I've ever had, though from context I think she means she got to the comm via 4chan, rather than to my fic in particular (not quite sure on this point, kinda dread to ask).
I am so freaking tired lately :( Not stupidly hot any more - the AC is working properly now - but stupidly tired all the time. I am trying to write but I keep finding that my talents are too meagre to handle the things I wish they could handle. Like, I'm raising questions that I suck too hard to find the answers to. It's okay because some days it doesn't matter, I'll get pointless, directionless streams of text and I'll be happy enough to not worry that none of it adds up to anything. It's just things I'm fascinated by; the idea of logos without the idea of god, collective identities, the memory of the internet, lesbians, rivers, search optimisation, November 2nd, a post-glacial USA, and it fails at being anything but a crazy jumble of stuff.
As usual, I need a new job, but my overthinking as to why has been getting into all kinds of new corners lately. Obv the main reason I need a new job is that I am working a dead-end job for shit money, but it's more uncomfortable than it used to be. [/types half a paragraph re. this and then deletes it]
It didn't help that Matthew ran into A. last week. It took longer than it should have for me to realise this, but A. is one of those Geminis. Which is to say, she's doing great - juggling two jobs, wheedling for forgiveness, generally seeming to want life to get back to normal. (That is to say, she's doing better than me. Colour me existentially pissed off.) Matthew already knew, via the Decent Human Being - who is moving to Chattanooga soon :( - that A. had claimed that, once the dust she'd kicked up had settled, the one thing she'd really lost through it all was Matthew.
I know this one. M has a way of making people feel safe around him. I know roughly two other people who can do this (for me, anyhow), and one of them is a tree on Ealing Common. It's a kind of stability she probably needs, but she made the mistake of betraying not M but the intermediary factor between her and M, and now he is unsure as to whether he wants to resume contact or not. He's presently avoiding the place he saw her. I think I wrote about this once - about relationships founded on supposed shared loyalty to something, and which were vulnerable in the face of betrayal of that loyalty even if said loyalty was otherwise meaningless. Except, it had way more uses of the word 'fuck'.
Currently working on some memefills and a what the braindribbling crap fusion idea. I can't let myself relax today, which is a shame because I can't let myself relax any other day either :/
I am so freaking tired lately :( Not stupidly hot any more - the AC is working properly now - but stupidly tired all the time. I am trying to write but I keep finding that my talents are too meagre to handle the things I wish they could handle. Like, I'm raising questions that I suck too hard to find the answers to. It's okay because some days it doesn't matter, I'll get pointless, directionless streams of text and I'll be happy enough to not worry that none of it adds up to anything. It's just things I'm fascinated by; the idea of logos without the idea of god, collective identities, the memory of the internet, lesbians, rivers, search optimisation, November 2nd, a post-glacial USA, and it fails at being anything but a crazy jumble of stuff.
As usual, I need a new job, but my overthinking as to why has been getting into all kinds of new corners lately. Obv the main reason I need a new job is that I am working a dead-end job for shit money, but it's more uncomfortable than it used to be. [/types half a paragraph re. this and then deletes it]
It didn't help that Matthew ran into A. last week. It took longer than it should have for me to realise this, but A. is one of those Geminis. Which is to say, she's doing great - juggling two jobs, wheedling for forgiveness, generally seeming to want life to get back to normal. (That is to say, she's doing better than me. Colour me existentially pissed off.) Matthew already knew, via the Decent Human Being - who is moving to Chattanooga soon :( - that A. had claimed that, once the dust she'd kicked up had settled, the one thing she'd really lost through it all was Matthew.
I know this one. M has a way of making people feel safe around him. I know roughly two other people who can do this (for me, anyhow), and one of them is a tree on Ealing Common. It's a kind of stability she probably needs, but she made the mistake of betraying not M but the intermediary factor between her and M, and now he is unsure as to whether he wants to resume contact or not. He's presently avoiding the place he saw her. I think I wrote about this once - about relationships founded on supposed shared loyalty to something, and which were vulnerable in the face of betrayal of that loyalty even if said loyalty was otherwise meaningless. Except, it had way more uses of the word 'fuck'.
Currently working on some memefills and a what the braindribbling crap fusion idea. I can't let myself relax today, which is a shame because I can't let myself relax any other day either :/